76. Move Past The Fear of Networking

Patricia Ortega: [00:00:00] Hey, welcome back to the Uncommon Career. Today we're going to talk about overcoming that fear of networking. Because there's nothing more encouraging than knowing a friendly face in your interview. Or having someone create a position literally for you. Or being introduced to a whole community of potential clients by someone who already sings your praises.

And that's the power of networking. But why is it so hard? Why is there this fear of networking? And I think it's a very human thing. Here's some common fears related to networking. The first is the fear of judgment. Right? Do you ever think that? What are they going to think of me? What if they don't like me?

What if? What if? What if? The next is the fear of rejection. So if they're going to judge me, they need to make a decision on whether or not they like me or whether or not they think I'm worth their time or whether or not they think I'm competent and the list goes on and on and on. Another fear is a [00:01:00] social risk.

What does it mean if I get stuck in this conversation and it's not really a good conversation? Now I'm going to be stuck here forever. Or what does it mean if I go up to this person, but it turns out that they don't really vibe with me. And so now every time I see this person, it's going to feel a little awkward.

There's all these risks and perceived threats that come along with networking anxiety. And here's the thing, all of them are really kind of focused on ourselves, right? We're wondering what do we look like? What if we this? What if we that? And it's a perfectly normal and human things to do, but we're going to talk in a little bit about different ways that we can take the focus off ourselves and put it onto the other person in a good way.

Not in a, here's a spotlight, go. kind of way, but in a good way, a way that says I see you, I value you and I want to know more about you. So everything that you fear will happen to you in a networking conversation, you are actually helping someone else to not feel that way at [00:02:00] all and to experience the power of networking.

And here's the thing, all of these fears, the fear of judgment, the fear of rejection, the fear of social risk, they're all perceived threats. They're not actual threats. It's. very unlikely that you'll be flat out rejected in the middle of a conversation. It's pretty unlikely that someone's going to tell you, you're not as competent as you think you are.

But is that not the fear that comes into our mind? And the most interesting thing is that all of these threats are perceived, which means they are in our imagination. They came from us, not from logic, not from the real world. There are fears becoming a visual in our mind. And what's worse is that we perceive these threats that aren't real.

But we also do see opportunity and opportunity can be very real, but it's just not here yet. [00:03:00] So when the perceived threats are so easily imagined in our mind, but yet the opportunity is so invisible. I mean, why would anybody want to network? Right? And I think that's what's behind a lot of the hesitation.

I perceive something bad might happen and I have no idea what good thing could happen. So why would I ever make that risk if I don't expect and believe that I'm going to have something in return for that risk? So it's a lose, lose. So let's bring the opportunity to light. When you go into networking, so many things can happen.

We talked already about a friendly face in your interview or having someone create a position for you or being introduced to a community of potential clients and being, you know, trusted and praised publicly. All those are good things, right? But imagine sending in an application that's blind, the easy apply button that we always talk about, right?

Versus having special consideration knowing that someone on the inside has said, Hey, keep an eye out for this application [00:04:00] because A, they're kind of a cool person and B, they're absolutely qualified, right? There's something they can bring to the table. And how did they know that? They know that because they gave you the additional consideration because you were in front of them in person, present and sharing your story in a.networking conversation. Other opportunities that are very possible that come through networking are guidance, advice, encouragement, finding common experience, getting to know other connections and learning about new ideas, right? So our mind is so quick to create a threatening scenario and to warn us and protect us from this scenario.

But what if we just take a moment and if you're driving, maybe not close your eyes, but if you're at the office, if you're at home, maybe take a second here and close your eyes and intentionally imagine the possibility, the opportunity. So that the only image in your head is not a threat. So imagine walking in and you see [00:05:00] someone, you start talking with them, and it turns out they know of a job opportunity that you would be perfect for and they're going to send your name in.

So they've asked you to apply. Or maybe you walk in, you start having a conversation with one or two or three people and it turns into a really great conversation about a problem and a strategy that you haven't tried. You leave that conversation ready to tackle this problem at work with a brand new strategy, with some new guidance, some advice, some encouragement, and some great new ideas.

Imagine that, take the time to intentionally imagine it, because what's happening is you're now balancing the scales between the potential cost, the risk that's perceived and the opportunity, right? This is the possibility, the good thing. And now it's going to give you a little bit more motivation to go out there and practice as opposed to when you feel the perceive threat, but you don't see the opportunity.

Why would [00:06:00] anybody take something on like that Now here's the thing all of it comes down to kind of a fear of the unknown, right? How am I gonna respond? I can't prepare for a conversation when I don't know what people are going to ask me. It's very much like what's that show? So, whose line is it anyways, right?

Improv. You're supposed to throw something at me and I'm supposed to communicate back to you but I have no way of preparing because I have no idea what you're going to say. Well, the reality is that improv techniques are really helpful here. They help you to kind of get out of the super serious, have to be right, have to be competent mode and get you into, hey, let's just talk.

Let's just let the free flowing conversation go and if I say something funny, we'll both laugh at it. And we'll move on with our day, right? That's the first piece. But also, did you know that networking is really not that mysterious? There's a general framework and a predictable pattern to every single networking conversation.

I'm going to walk you through it here to wrap up the [00:07:00] episode. Just so you know, you can use this exact same pattern every single time you go out to network. So first thing, It's just a greeting. That part's the easy part, right? You're gonna open up a conversation with something like, hey, what brings you here today?

Or I like that dress or whatever the case might be. It's a, it's a quick greeting. Compliments always are helpful. Mentions of the event, mentions of, you know, what brings them here. Or if you're about to grab a cup of coffee, you can ask about decaf versus regular. Or whatever. Open up the conversation with a greeting.

Here's the next thing you show interest and you ask about them. It immediately takes the focus off of you. You can ask him what they do, what they think about the last session in the event. And then you say genuinely invested, genuinely present, and you go deeper, meaning you're not focused on yourself and how you're coming [00:08:00] across.

And if you have the right answer, because right now it is their moment to shine, their moment to talk, your moment to gather information, to remain invested and to ask questions that are going to help them go deeper. And this is great because the more you ask questions, the more information you gather, the more information you gather, the more you're likely to find common ground or something of genuine interest.

And you're kind of going fishing for those pieces of genuine interest because that's what sparks a little bit of life in you. And they can sense that. And now you two have a deeper conversation. Over time, they will eventually reciprocate. And they're going to ask you, Well, I've been talking for like five minutes.

What do you do? Tell me about yourself. And this is the moment where you get to share what you do. And, you know, in a completely different episode, I will talk to you about preparing your response to that, which is essentially, you know, 30 to 45 second narrative of what you do that is tailored to the type of connections you want to [00:09:00] make, it's tailored to grab their attention.

So we focus less on what you need to say and more on what they want to hear. So now it makes the conversation more engaging. In any case, you're going to share what you do, but at the end of that, there's usually another hook, meaning you're intentional about how you end your 30 to 45 seconds of sharing.

And that ending serves to pass the baton to invite them back into the conversation. And typically you want to invite them into the conversation that helps to, you know, move forward if you're looking to get employed or looking to find a client or looking to just make more connections, right?

When you pass the baton back, when you finish up your part of the conversation and you ask another question, you can think deeply about this. When you have time. When you don't feel rushed well before the event takes place, and now you're prepared. Now, regardless, there's going to be some back and forth in the conversation that's [00:10:00] natural, but you also want to know how to close out the conversation because when things start to slow down, all of a sudden the fear and the nerves creep back in and now we're wondering, okay, we're running out of things to talk about.

What now? So have something ready so that you can close out the conversation by acknowledging their time and their value. Something like, hey, it was great talking with you today. I really enjoyed learning about XYZ and inviting them into the next step, whatever that might be. And I usually encourage you to have three next steps ready.

One for when you really hit it off and you absolutely want to have a conversation ASAP, you know, get deeper into your topic or maybe they express interest in hiring you or being you know, um, giving you an opportunity, et cetera. For those folks, you want to say something like, hey, it was great talking with you.

I don't want to monopolize your time. I know there's a ton of people here you can talk to and so I'm going to let you go for now. But, I [00:11:00] actually would love to continue this conversation and I know the next several weeks are busy, but I would love to touch base with you and I'm available on this day and this day.

Hopefully you can schedule something then, or you can invite them to an email to set up a call or the one that I like when you feel like, ah, there's not really a connection, but you absolutely don't just want to say, okay, bye. Right? Then you close out saying something like this. Hey, it was so great talking with you today.

I absolutely love our conversation on XYZ. What if we connect on LinkedIn? I'd love to just stay in contact and you never know when we'll see each other at one of these events. And who knows, maybe on LinkedIn I'll get to know you and your content a little bit more. So what you're doing is you're creating a link that's really, really low investment and you have that in your back pocket just in case you feel like there's just not a connection and you're not quite sure where to take the conversation.

All right, so all together today, we talked about why networking is so amazing, why everyone's talking about it, but also why it could make [00:12:00] us feel a little bit nervous, a little bit anxious. And sometimes, I mean, I think the word threat has come in, right? So maybe a little bit threatened. But also we talked about the opportunity.

Bringing that invisible opportunity to light, imagining the opportunity as brightly and as realistically as you imagine the threats that might happen so that you can balance the scales and feel like, hey, there is a benefit to this risk. And so it might be worth my time to practice and get comfortable with it.

And also, I broke down and removed the mystery on networking by looking at a predictable pattern, a general framework of what your conversation might look like and what you might want to prepare beforehand. So listen friend, I hope this was helpful. I hope that maybe at an event soon, we'll see each other in the middle of a networking conversation.

Um, but no matter what, know that, you know, this is here for you. You only have to do it a few times before you start feeling more and more [00:13:00] comfortable, more and more confident. And again, there's opportunities waiting on the other side. Thanks again for joining me today. Know that I love you. I'm praying for you.

See you on the next one.