92. Reach Your Goals in 2025: How to Make Your Goals Stick, With Dale Wilsher (Part 3)

[00:00:00] Patricia Ortega: Hi everyone. Welcome back. We're so excited to be here with you yet again, it is Dale and I, we have already had some great episodes. You saw back in November, we were able to do an annual review. If you haven't caught that episode, check back for episode number 84.

[00:00:20] And then in early December, we chatted about planning for 2025 for creating a vision, going through the wheel of life, and then setting some goals. And today Dale is back today. We're going to talk about how to make those goals stick. So you've already spent some time figuring out what happened in your last year, what you want to happen this next year.

[00:00:40] And now we're going to make sure you accomplish those goals come December 31st, 2025. So Dale, I'm so excited to be here with you yet again.

[00:00:49] Dale Wilsher: Oh, I'm always excited to be here with you, Patricia. Let's talk goals. I love goals.

[00:00:54] Patricia Ortega: Yes. Let's do it. Okay. So we've gone through Reflection. We've gone through Wheel of Life.

[00:00:59] And [00:01:00] if you missed that, we're going to again, include that the links to those episodes and to the Wheel of Life in the description. But let's assume that we have our three by five cards. That we have our goals all set in place. Yeah, I would love to know, and I'm sure we're going to kind of share strategies back and forth, but what's one of the top strategies for you to make sure goals stick?

[00:01:19] Dale Wilsher: I think number one, it's to write them down. There's a lot of research around the likelihood that you will achieve your goals if you write them down. So even though you have your cards, you're going to then, my second part is you got to display them. So I need to have a place where they are documented, um, and then I need to have a way to display them too often right now, I think, because of all of our digital calendars, everything gets hidden, you know, kind of on a tab or somewhere in our browser, and we don't see them very often.

[00:01:52] So I have a giant bulletin board over my desk where I have my yearly goals. My quarterly goals, my [00:02:00] monthly goals. I have a lot of goal sheets and that way I can make sure that I am attending to the things that when I was deep in thought and reflection that are important to me that I am still executing on those.

[00:02:12] So I think writing them down and displaying them are big, really big for me.

[00:02:18] Patricia Ortega: Oh, yeah. And here's the thing. So I noticed, I'm so glad that it's both you and I on this call because I just talked to someone else and they're also a really big planner and they have goals. They have goals written for every part of their life, right?

[00:02:31] But I realized this year I'm a little more fly by the seat of my pants. And so I do the planning, but I find myself not having as many written goals. But even if I don't have as many gold sheets, I don't have goals for all these areas of my life. Maybe I'm focusing on one thing. Maybe it's just that one word of the year that we talked about.

[00:02:49] It's still so helpful to write it down. I, um, have a, another guest that I had on, Oh gosh, this was a while ago, but she said something that just kind of stuck with me. And that was [00:03:00] that she has a whiteboard that her and her husband put in their living room. And she's like, it's not pretty. She goes, it's not pretty.

[00:03:08] She goes, but when we're trying to get out of debt, to be able to see that every single time we're about to step out to go out to eat or to do this or that it's right in front of us. We literally cannot pretend to forget or fully forget what our goal is. So whether you have one or many writing it down, super important.

[00:03:27] Dale Wilsher: It's true. I mean, when you have a dashboard like they do, I mean, I have a whiteboard, but it's in my office, but even with the stuff, yeah, well, I mean, they're really on it, like, I, I really respect the fact that, I mean, to me, that's authentic, like, this is where we are. This is what we're working on, but when, oh, I just forgot what I was going to say.

[00:03:45] Patricia Ortega: I did it. I'm sorry.

[00:03:48] Dale Wilsher: Uh, I'll, I'll, I'll stop. I'll stop there. But, uh, I, I love what they're doing. I'll just stop there. It'll come back, but it may not be a good time.

[00:03:56] Patricia Ortega: But you know what, that's, that is the point of writing them down. We have so many [00:04:00] distractions and I was the perfect example of a distraction, right?

[00:04:03] And so having those things written down can be really helpful. Um, I know something for me that is really helpful. Um, I was doing some research on, okay, how am I going to do this for this next year? Right. And of course the fact that you and I are going to have this conversation gave me like a little extra motivation to figure out how do I want to do this in 2025.

[00:04:23] And for me, the environment has made such a big difference. I know I talked about my living environment before, um, but it's sticking to figuring out, okay, like if one of my goals is to work out, then it's creating the space in my home to work out. Um, but also micro environment changes. So I'm sure you've heard of this, but until you do it, it doesn't really matter how many times we've heard it.

[00:04:48] But for me, it's figuring out what my gym clothes are. At night, before I wake up, putting them literally to where I almost stumble on them getting out of bed. And to me, that's like, [00:05:00] okay, in a moment where the pain point of sleep versus not sleep isn't there, I make the decision ahead of time. So what can you do in your environment?

[00:05:09] What are your goals and what can you do pre-emptively in your environment so that those goals would be a little more organic.

[00:05:15] Dale Wilsher: Absolutely. I, I know that, uh, for me as the 20 second rule, that if you can save 20 seconds, you're more likely to get that activation energy to do different things. You know, we did when my kids were little, that was the clothes kid. We laid out the clothes kid in the middle of the floor, you know, so you don't have to mess with that.

[00:05:33] You know, we've already done it. Uh, and, and I do that for some of my goals. Um, I do it for my hydration goal. I think I mentioned that on one of the episodes, because I'm always trying to work at, at drinking more water. And so I go around and I have glasses of water that are filled up. They're all over the place.

[00:05:51] If you ever saw that movie signs, um, it was years ago, the little girl had water everywhere and ended up saving the world at the very end. [00:06:00] One day, maybe it'll save the world here at my house, but that way I save a little bit of time and I just make it. that much easier. And that's one I don't really want to spend a lot of energy on.

[00:06:10] I'd like to spend energy on some of the other bigger ones. So I'm going to make that as easy as possible. And I think, I think it really goes into what you're saying is like having some rituals and some practices and some routines that can kind of franchise these things, make them easier. So they're just part of your everyday practice.

[00:06:30] And you don't do it for everything. Like you're saying, like you kind of focus on some in the beginning and get those off and running. But I do think the practices, you know, they just create habits that make goals happen.

[00:06:41] Patricia Ortega: Oh my gosh. That's so valuable. That's so valuable. There's a goal and then there's a lifestyle.

[00:06:46] And the point of our goal is for it to become part of our lifestyle for many of our goals, right? Yes. And so there's those goals that are truly more of, here's a lifestyle system I want to build. Here's what I want to make, put on autopilot. [00:07:00] But then there's goals of, you know, one time goals that you want to get a promotion or you want to get a job or make a career pivot this year.

[00:07:07] And for those, instead of building routines, like, yes, I set my environment up to spend more time on it normally, organically. But I also think about milestones as being really important, especially when, you know, that in the middle of the process, you're going to feel defeated. There's going to be ghosting or rejection, or maybe you're passed over for a promotion, right?

[00:07:30] There's going to be those dips and being able to have milestones to say, okay, I passed marker one. So even if I don't win the game for this promotion, I don't go back to start. It's like when you do you remember? We're dating ourselves today, but do you remember those old Nintendo games where-

[00:07:47] Dale Wilsher: I'm older than you.

[00:07:50] So like, yes, but I probably had some, you know, I, I could talk about eight tracks. So,

[00:07:55] Patricia Ortega: Okay. Yeah. So, but on the [00:08:00] video games, you know, and even now I'm sure there's like new video games out there, but when I was young, Back when I was young, we had these video games, right, where you pass a level and if you like, quote unquote, die in level three, you don't start in level one, you start in level two.

[00:08:14] Right. So to me, those are milestones, constantly reminding myself, okay, didn't go as I planned here, but I'm not going back to level one. I'm going back to just the prior marker to then try again. Right. And I'm a little bit closer.

[00:08:27] Dale Wilsher: Well, and then that kind of sparks the idea for me that, you know, there are a lot of goals like you're talking about that are bigger goals, or sometimes it doesn't work out.

[00:08:34] Like we, we try something and we're like, okay, that wasn't easy. That was a fail. That was embarrassing. And that I think keeps me in the game toward my goals when I attach it to my values that, um, you know, courage and authenticity and humility.

[00:08:50] Humility, which I think is, you know, the only thing that allows us to learn is because we're not there yet.

[00:08:55] We're still growing. If I tend to think about all of those things, [00:09:00] then I will stay on track more so than if I let my inner critic start beating me up for the fail. And I think that's so important is that we kind of have to be our own personal coach. And if you can discern your values that, you know, just see what are those concepts, those principles that are so key for you.

[00:09:19] You're like, we know what I honored that. So it's a win and I'm going to get back on the horse and keep going.

[00:09:25] Patricia Ortega: Oh my gosh. I love that. So even in the face of a setback, you did the right thing. You honored your values. And so it's almost like, um, you do the next right thing and you don't worry about the rest.

[00:09:38] You just, you did their next right thing. And that's what matters. I love that. Okay.

[00:09:42] Dale Wilsher: So it helps me reset. Go ahead.

[00:09:44] Patricia Ortega: It helps you reset. That's a good way of putting it, like taking that time to reset. And it actually. Also at the same time, you read my mind was thinking about like anticipating obstacles, right?

[00:09:57] Like knowing those moments will [00:10:00] come. So how do you reset? I hadn't thought of the value piece as a way to reset, but now I'm like, okay, let's put those two together. Right. If you anticipate your obstacles and you're like, okay. I know I'm not perfect and I know I'm not going to win this game on the first shot.

[00:10:14] And if you have the confidence to win on the first shot, you keep running, like you keep going, right? But sometimes we don't. And even if we do, it's like, okay, what could possibly happen? What do I need to anticipate? What do I need to mitigate? What do I know about myself? Right? Some people are slow and steady wins the race.

[00:10:32] Maybe your tendency is overanalyzing the other way around. I am super quick, but I'm also starts and stops, right? So what do I do when I stop to make sure I start back up again and don't let it go by the wayside, right? So anticipating external obstacles, but also those internal patterns that we have so that we get to the end of it.

[00:10:52] Dale Wilsher: Absolutely. Well, I think for that, I mean, there's so many, I've been curious to hear what you do. I mean, several things come to mind for me. I think of, [00:11:00] you know, for some of my clients who are more perfectionistic, they're like graded analysis. They're usually great justice people. They're the ones that keep us out of jail.

[00:11:08] They're the ones who struggle with a fail. Any fail, like a small fail and they feel like, ah, you know, I'm a loser, like it goes to some bigger thing. And that's when I recommend that they create a range of acceptability.

[00:11:21] Like if you are knocking it out of the ballpark, fantastic. But let's dial that down just a little bit.

[00:11:27] What would still be a win? Whether it's timing wise, I thought I'd get that done by Q1. I didn't. Okay. Well, maybe that was the home run. If you got it done by Q3, is that going to still be a win for this year? So thinking in terms of a broader range, I think is, is pretty key. That's just one thing.

[00:11:45] The other thing that comes to mind for me as accountability is huge. And most of us don't Share our goals. I mean, I was looking at research only, you know, there's different things that you see out there, but three to 20 percent of people. in the U. [00:12:00] S. set goals. So it's still a minority. If you're listening to this and you're a goal setter, congratulations.

[00:12:05] You know, you're in the, I know you're in the powerful majority or minority, excuse me. And again, if you write them down, you are 42 percent more likely to achieve them because already by this time, so they say that 9 percent of Americans make resolutions and excuse me, only 9 percent who make them complete them.

[00:12:21] 9%. That's such a small number. So 23 are gonna knock it out, you know, after the first week and be done. And then another 43 percent quit at the end of January. So thinking about who can you put in your corner to share your goals with, create a little accountability partner, and let them ask you constantly, give them permission, do the same for them.

[00:12:43] Who can you connect with and say, let's just talk about if you know, you have to report out on something, you were more likely to keep it top of mind and give that extra effort. So I think those are pretty important.

[00:12:56] Patricia Ortega: Oh my goodness. Involving someone else. So what you did is you just kind of layered, [00:13:00] right?

[00:13:01] Commit to yourself, take that external action, write it down, then commit to someone else. Take that external action to tell it to someone else. Like it's just continuing to sort of anchor yourself in these, you know, even if you write it down, there's a cognitive dissonance. If you don't do what you said you were going to do.

[00:13:17] Dale Wilsher: Yeah.

[00:13:18] Patricia Ortega: And then when you talk to someone else, there's like a social tie now that you're like, I told so and so, and I can't look whatever way I think I'm going to look, you know?

[00:13:26] Dale Wilsher: And I find, because I work with a lot of women that sometimes we will be more accountable to other people than we will to ourselves.

[00:13:32] I mean, that is such a terrible thing that we are, we're like, I'm so trustworthy. I'm like, can you trust yourself to actually follow through on what you said you would do for you? So to have someone help us do that, I think is. It's so key. And so, and just the concept we both know as a coach to talk about it, to hear yourself say it, and to know that is coming, that conversation, it puts you in a different frame of mind.

[00:13:57] Patricia Ortega: Okay.

[00:13:58] I'm such a skeptic. [00:14:00] I'm the biggest skeptic in the world, So when I first started learning about coaching, I came from a career counselor perspective, right? And so I learned about coaching and I was so skeptic that I was like, no, I'm going to help people, but I don't really need a coach. I was just the biggest skeptic in the world.

[00:14:15] I was like, I'm not sure if there's value in it. And can I tell you oh, every single coaching conversation has moved me forward. And it's almost like this, like, at first I couldn't put my finger on it. It felt intangible. Like, why am I moving faster when I'm talking to this person? And why is it different than when I'm talking to my friend?

[00:14:34] And now, years later, I've gone through all the coaching. I've been doing coaching for a while. And now it's, it's so clear. Right. And so to bridge that gap between it being feeling so intangible, that talking to someone about it moves you forward. It's a mental process. It's similar to when people talk about, well, visualize what it would look like, and then you'll lose the fear of networking.

[00:14:55] For example, when you're talking through a topic, that's what you're [00:15:00] doing is you're moving yourself from one side of the equation to the other. So that's so valuable.

[00:15:05] Dale Wilsher: Yeah, they say that even if we just talked to a lamppost, it'd be of value. I think we've got that. But then we can step it up and have people ask us questions to help us kind of dig in a little bit.

[00:15:16] And, and sometimes we, we just were like, wow, I hadn't thought about that before. And all of a sudden now we're adding some, you know, new processes to that approach or again, I had never said that out loud. I hear that all the time. I imagine you do, you know, it's like, wow. So just that opportunity. And yeah, I, I came to coaching, you know, like 11 years ago, I remember thinking coaching.

[00:15:40] You know, what is that? Like a combination between like a drill sergeant and a tarot card reader? Like what loser needs that? I was like, that is super lame. Like these people don't know what they're doing. And then I, I got into it. I was like, Oh, I totally need those people. Yeah, I am that loser for [00:16:00] God's sake and then I was like, I really understood the positive psychology that underpins the whole practice that it is key and it bring you bring your A game when you are committed to someone else in that kind of relationship.

[00:16:13] I just think it does bring out the best in us.

[00:16:16] Patricia Ortega: It does. You bring your a game. And it also makes me think, you know, remember actually, it brings things that are on maybe an emotional level, maybe a unconscious level, things that, you know, patterns that are driving us or motivations that are driving us that we may not be totally aware of.

[00:16:32] It brings us to the surface and now we can see the insight and take action on it.

[00:16:37] Dale Wilsher: So true. Yeah. Yeah. So true.

[00:16:39] Well, I was thinking of a couple other things if I could share on just strategies that I've used in the past. Again, sometimes I go on and sometimes I go off, you know, I use different things. Um, but when I'm really on it, I use a time block.

[00:16:52] Do you use a time block ever? Oh, yeah. A grid. Yes. And this is like, I'm giving a talk, um, [00:17:00] next week on how to keep the urgent from hijacking what's important. And that is probably the basic tool of, you know, with the limited time I have that, you know, it's not about being constrained by time. It's about being thoughtful about your time.

[00:17:12] And so. It's the best way to design in meaning. And when you set your goals, you're basically saying this is meaningful to me. So now let's take the time to figure out where you're going to put it so that it does, it does get done, but it takes a priority. So, you know, going through that Sunday planning is a great keystone habit where I can do it ahead of time and kind of think through the week.

[00:17:36] So I'm alert to what's coming and, and I can find time for what matters most.

[00:17:42] Patricia Ortega: Yeah. Yeah. Cause those goals will go by the wayside. The second a screaming child comes in or the second the project doesn't go as planned. It's true. It's always going to happen that way. Um, so we've got all these kind of tips and strategies, right?

[00:17:59] And as [00:18:00] we, um, start to wind down a little bit, right, we, we put all these places, um, things in place. Yeah. I would encourage you to spend some moments rewarding yourself, like decide when you're going to stop, look back and say, Hey, I made progress. And that progress could be in the form of, I learned a new skill, or it could be in the form of, I got the job.

[00:18:23] I got the, you know, I have an interview lined up. So again, it could be process oriented, meaning here's how I'm closer to my goal. or it can be outcome oriented, meaning I literally achieved my goal, the thing that I was working towards. Um, so reward yourself, you know, those, those moments are worth it.

[00:18:42] Dale Wilsher: I love that.

[00:18:43] And, and again, I don't do it. Often, but when I have done it, I've just said, you know, like, Oh, like I need a new pair of running shoes. My running shoes are really worn out, you know, and I'm, you know, I, I just need them. So instead of just going to get them or waiting until the budget allows [00:19:00] for it, I, I might tie him to a goal when I finished this.

[00:19:03] Yeah. Or like you're saying, you know, when I've finished part of it, you know, a short term goal within a bigger goal, then I'm going to get the shoes. And then every time I look at those shoes, I think about whatever goal I achieved. So in fact, now just saying that out loud with you, Patricia, my coach for the day, I am going to go tie some of my things to some of the things that some of my goals to some of the things that are on my wishlist.

[00:19:28] Patricia Ortega: Yeah, I love that idea. And you know, to even take it a step further, now I'm thinking, and this, I don't think this would have come up without us talking, right? Um, one of the things that I'm thinking I might do for 2025 is, so here's an example. So podcasting is obviously, you know, something that I do on a regular basis and I'm looking to improve on it.

[00:19:48] And what I really am looking forward to is going from audio only podcast to video podcast. And so I'm like, okay. If I can get to the point where I record X number of solos, which for me are the [00:20:00] hardest, tune in, listen in, you'll see the difference. They are the hardest to record. And so like, it's a little bit harder to bring the personality out, blah, blah, blah.

[00:20:08] Well, I'm think I'm going to attach the, um, the video component, basically getting a nicer camera, all these things that are a little expensive, but they're so exciting. They're the shiny toys. Right. But I'm like, I'm going to record X number of solos. before I got the camera and now it's sort of like it's tied to something I want, but it's also helping me get to the next step.

[00:20:32] Yeah. Yeah. Love that. Yeah.

[00:20:35] Dale Wilsher: We left those shiny objects.

[00:20:37] Patricia Ortega: Yes, we absolutely do. We absolutely do. Okay. So as we start to wrap up, what has been the strategy that in the past Has worked the best for you that has just felt just organic for you.

[00:20:52] Dale Wilsher: Well, those are two different things.

[00:20:54] That work the best are not necessarily natural.

[00:20:57] They take a little bit more discipline, [00:21:00] which, um, I mean, I do think, um, you know, as I started with, you know, writing them down and displaying them. And, you know, that's not a gorgeous part of my office is it. My giant bulletin board with all of these goal sheets on it. But that does really allow me to constantly see what I said was important and, and to be able to attend to that.

[00:21:24] So I will go back to that. I think that's the most important thing. And I will say in execution of that, I set alarms on my phone all day long. This, this, and this. And, and so I don't have to think about time because my alarm will do it for me, you know, 15 minutes before we got on this call, so I knew it was coming two minutes so I can get on to zoom.

[00:21:46] I mean, all those things all day long, they keep me more on task because it's so easy to lose track of time. And when you lose track of time, you just don't accomplish the things that, that really are meaningful. So those are big [00:22:00] for me.

[00:22:00] Patricia Ortega: Oh, Dale, you just opened up a can of worms. I'm going to keep it super short.

[00:22:04] But when you talked about the phone, I'm like, yes, there's a whole section we can do on using tech to help you write, create the space that you need. One thing that I recently did, as soon as you said that I was like, Oh yes. I set up schedules for focus on my phone. I have an iPhone and you can set up different types of focus, right? I can see you nodding. So mine is like from nine to five, it's work focus. So only certain calls come through from, you know, when I click on podcast focus, nothing comes through because we don't want to be interrupted. And then from seven to eight 30 or seven to nine, there's a family focus.

[00:22:39] So no work calls come through and that's been a game changer.

[00:22:42] Dale Wilsher: Yeah, I just shut it down. I shut down my inbox. I, um, I, so I do airplane mode. I do those kinds of things. And when I forget, I'm like, dang, you know, cause I'm so likely to be distracted. I mean, we're all human. We have brains that are wired for distraction.

[00:22:58] So protecting your [00:23:00] time, you know, I say I want to help people make the most of their time and their talent. Cause I think those are two of our most precious resources.

[00:23:07] Patricia Ortega: Oh, I love that. I love that. Gosh, this is great. I loved going through all of these strategies. I'm pumped. Okay. This is a, this is a coaching conversation for me.

[00:23:16] I am pumped to get my goals going. Who knows? Maybe I'll start them earlier. Um, well, no, it's tomorrow. Let's get going, everybody. Let's get ready. Let's go. Well, thank you, Dale, so much for joining us today. Thank you everyone for joining us. Know that again, the wheel of life, we've got the three episodes you can grab.

[00:23:33] Even if you're listening to this today, even if you're listening to this and it's January 2025, there is no such thing as a late start. So grab the wheel of life. Listen to the episodes, get your checklist for tips and strategies on how to make your goals stick and make 2025 a great year. Dale, thank you so much for joining us.

[00:23:52] Dale Wilsher: Thanks for having me. Amen to making 25, you know, your best year ever.

[00:23:58] Patricia Ortega: Yes. Thank you all again for [00:24:00] listening. Know that we love you. We're praying for you. We'll see you on the next one.

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